okay, so I am late on the whole april fool's day thing... but am feeling foolish and small lately, due to my depression, I assume. I hope that it quickly passes, as I am getting hard to stand I think. And I am finding IT hard to stand.
My Blue turned 12 over the weekend! It is shocking to me, and suddenly I feel tired and old, though her 2 year old sister generally leaves me feeling that way too. Time just passes, regardless of how I feel, what I want or what I am/ am not accomplishing.
I feel anxious about it - as if I am running out of time, am not 'getting things done'- does that mean I am not fully 'saying yes to life'? I get confused by the advice I read (or hear on Oprah)... learn to say no, set limits, don't overextend, but say yes to life, to experience, to new things- take risks, but don't do anything risky...
today I am left wondering if I should be financially responsible ( ie save my money and/or don't go deeper into debt) or live for today, and book a family holiday to Portugal- which we would really enjoy (fun and sun), need (fun and sun, remember we live in Ireland) and WANT (fun and sun).... I am constantly teetering between two opposing sides. Light/dark, depressed/content, healthy/unhealthy, save/spend, binge/purge (generally, not literally)
How do you find balance? Why does life always feel like a series of sacrifices rather than rewards?
I wish I had been born one of those 'glass half full' types, but fear that I am the other...
2 comments:
I have to admit that I have never left a post on a blog before. So congratulations you are my first.
I was capitavated by your post because it sounds like my situation right now. I feel like I'm constantly torn between any decision I make. It doesn't matter which one I make eventually I'm not going to be happy with it. Is this what a midlife crisis is like? :)
well, thanks so much!
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