Wave Runners a.k.a. Illinois Girls Trying to Surf

I had a really great weekend with Katie and Teresa (my kind-of little sisters) visiting us. We went to the Boda Borg, we snooped around abandoned houses and cars and took photographs of everything, and we went surfing in the icy cold waters of Sligo. Actually, with wetsuit, wetsocks, wetgloves, and wethood, we got wet, but really did stay pretty warm. As a person who is perpetually cold, this was a great and welcome surprise for me, and it made the work of surfing so much easier.

And let me tell you, it IS work! but work that is well-worth it. We had what was meant to be a 2-hour group lesson, which went on for nearly 3. The instruction was good, and the staff was very helpful and encouraging. I will definatley try it again. I got up to standing successfully on one occasion, and it was a fabulous few seconds. The rest of the time I paddled my arms out of their sockets, I had great fun knee-surfing, and riding the waves.

april fool

okay, so I am late on the whole april fool's day thing... but am feeling foolish and small lately, due to my depression, I assume. I hope that it quickly passes, as I am getting hard to stand I think. And I am finding IT hard to stand.
My Blue turned 12 over the weekend! It is shocking to me, and suddenly I feel tired and old, though her 2 year old sister generally leaves me feeling that way too. Time just passes, regardless of how I feel, what I want or what I am/ am not accomplishing.
I feel anxious about it - as if I am running out of time, am not 'getting things done'- does that mean I am not fully 'saying yes to life'? I get confused by the advice I read (or hear on Oprah)... learn to say no, set limits, don't overextend, but say yes to life, to experience, to new things- take risks, but don't do anything risky...
today I am left wondering if I should be financially responsible ( ie save my money and/or don't go deeper into debt) or live for today, and book a family holiday to Portugal- which we would really enjoy (fun and sun), need (fun and sun, remember we live in Ireland) and WANT (fun and sun).... I am constantly teetering between two opposing sides. Light/dark, depressed/content, healthy/unhealthy, save/spend, binge/purge (generally, not literally)
How do you find balance? Why does life always feel like a series of sacrifices rather than rewards?
I wish I had been born one of those 'glass half full' types, but fear that I am the other...

reading and resting...

the last few weeks have been tough for some reason... maybe it was the long last stretch of winter, the teething baby, my mom's anniversary, our bank balance.... our just my own emotional spring-cleaning funk! I don't know, but I really hope that the sun and the Zoloft will be brightening my days soon.

and please god, let that child start sleeping through EVERY night again!

i have been reading a good bit -- enjoying Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I know I am about 15 years too old, but it has been a great escape. Thank you Stephenie. I even found a podcast (quite a few actually) about the series, the storylines and the upcoming movie/s, which was entertaining to listen to as well. So, if you like to read about teen-age vampires (and werewolves), or think you might, give them a try. Addicitive.